“Love is a choice you make…not a hole you fall into.” (Regi Campbell)
Sorry Disney. Sorry Hollywood. Sorry Dave. You’re expectations and portrayals of love have been wrong for years. Sure, there are those moments early in courtship where something happens within us which suggests that they are “THE ONE.” But thereafter, we must continuously choose to keep them as THE ONE.
In his (likely very unpopular) book “What Radical Husbands Do,” Campbell writes, “Yeah, when you got married, you loved your wife. You felt it. You were all pumped up and teary-eyed. We all are when we see her walking down the aisle, beautifully adorned in a gleaming white dress. Intense. No doubt about it.”
“But whether you feel it or not, you’ve got to choose to love your wife. And I’m not just talking about a day, a week, or a month. I’m talking about choosing to love her until you die. You have to choose to be kind to her, no matter what she says or how she treats you. You have to choose to serve her, no matter how little she serves you. You have to choose to get into her frame of reference, regardless of the fact she never gets into yours. It’s a one-way street with all the traffic headed in her direction and none headed back your way.”
The author ends with this probing question, “Are you willing to give love and not trade it?”
Obviously, what Campbell prescribes for the husband would work well for the wife too. A marriage works best when both parties are giving love freely and not trading it. Love is to be a sacrificial choice, not a bartering chip. Yet the natural tendency in any relationship is to slide into selfishness and self-protection.
We’re also prone to let a consumer mentality slip into our marriages as well. You know the drill, “How can I get the most out of this while putting the least in?” That may be a great strategy when buying a house or car, but it will destroy a marriage. As we end, let me ask, “Are you giving love with no strings attached, or are you trading love?” –Dave
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)
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